faster faster.
that patience thing rears its ugly head at me constantly. i am still a work in progress. i am not patient with myself, or with others around me. it gets me in trouble, it gets me crazy. patience is a virtue. it is essential for life. i need to manufacture some. and quickly. (haha. that was a joke. get it?)
if you feel this is repetitive, then stop reading. but i am still improving. i am learning to be patient at football, guys who have never been taught correctly arent going to get it right the first time. they have spent a long time getting beat down, they need a patient hand to teach them the correct way, show them they can win. show them they can believe. it wont be a miracle over night thing. im working on it.
ministry is the same way. patience is required. i get frustrated when i dont see results as instantly as i would like, but i am seeing results. i hope and pray that i am making an impact, even though i may never see the result, as they move on and grow up, i hope they have been positivley impacted. i can only hope.
i am only writing this simply to remind myself. simply to drive myself to improve. to wait, to be slow. to be patient. to allow things to take their time. to allow them to develop. to trust and wait rather than trying to do it myself. when i do it it’s disaster. when i let God work, it’s beautiful, not easy, definitely not painless, just simply beautiful. it just seems to me that he never works on my time. which of course goes back to this whole omniscience thing. he knows what he is doing. i don’t. i need to just wait and let things happen. stop trying to do everything on my own. stop trusting myself. his timing is perfect. his plans are right. my timing is awful, my plans are disaster.
my life is currently transitioning from a stage where i thought i was in control and i thought i knew what i was doing, into a time of being broken, shattered and renewed. a time of being reminded that i am not in control, and that there is an omniscient deity who loves me dearly and reminds me regularly that he is in control, and his plans are for the best. i’m noticing that letting HIM run the show makes everything smooth. not easy, and not carefree, but it is smooth. it makes sense. i can see him working. i hope that i constantly remember that i am not in control. i am not smart enough to be. i need to allow things to develop. i need to seek guidance, and wisdom, and not just shoot from the hip. i need to be patient.
